I've been really struggling with sh since may of this year. I used to do it in 2021, but I stopped in January of last year. My parents discovered that I was getting drunk at parties and I thought they were going to take me out of school, they were both outside the country and weren't coming back home for a few days. I didn't know what I was about to do and how much it was going to affect me for the next 3-4 months. Ive had suicidal thoughts for a while, its been really difficult to me thinking about the fact that im getting worse than I was before in 2021. Im almost doing it everyday, and my parents know about it. Yesterday I almost decided to end it all, but I didn't, even though I got drunk at my own house when muy mom wasn't home, I couldn't feel anything to I relapsed really bad and now I have half of my arm with scars that I don't know how Im going to hide it for the next 2 or 3 weeks without anyone noticing. Some of my friends know that I relapsed, but not all of them. People are finding out about my scars and its been really uncomfortable, its like they are treating me diferent. I really don't know what im going to do if my mom finds out, or if anyone does. I just know that is she finds out she will probably get me out of that school, she knows that the people I love the most are there, and that I hate being in my house, it makes me feel alone, and sick, and I don't have anything do distract myself with so its just me and my thoughts, and the worse parti is I can't even cry, I don't know why. Tomorrow im going to a more specialist therapist, I really don't know how is it going to go, but im really nervous, i just want to be ok, happy and not waste my teenage years on this.